Happygrrl of the Month - Nicki Minaj

Let’s face it, she ain’t no Lauryn Hill, but Nicki Minaj is most def the baddest chick bitch in the rap game right now.


Her skillz and crazy-sexy-cool-persona have made her the girl you run to when you want your single upgraded. Just ask Ludacris, Usher, Mariah, and Drake (her Young Money lablemate). They’ve all worked with her, and believe me, their singles definitely benefited.


Her current single, Your Love—which I completely loooove—is sitting comfortably at #6 on Billboard’s top 100 R&B/Hip hop chart. I suspect that it will be number 1 in no time due to her epic-like video (the video’s Samurai theme is quite engaging, no?) and the cool Annie Lennox sample.


Nicki Minaj first caught my attention after I heard a couple of her collaborations with other artists. I thought they were good, but what really freaked me out was that she would sometimes rap in a kooky, albeit entertaining voice. At first I thought she was out of her damn mind, but after I heard the actual lyrics, I thought her delivery was very creative.


Although a lot of people are drawing comparisons to Lil Kim (she wears colourful wigs just like Lil Kim did back in the day, and like Lil Kim, Nicki ain’t shy about flaunting her hyper sexuality), I actually think she’s more Missy Elliot (think Missy from the Supa Dupa Fly days) with a pinch of Lil Kim and a dash of Lady Gaga.


Nicki Minaj is sooo worthy of the title of Happygrrl of the Month if nothing more than the fact that she’s the baddest rap chick with ridiculous swagger, and that she has brought a sense of humour back to rap music. And not in the corny Will Smith way!


Want some more info on Nicki Minaj? Check out some stats below.
Full Name: Onika Maraj
Birth date: December 8, 1984
Born in: Trinidad and then moved to Queens, New York
Label: Signed to Young Money in August 2009
CD: Her debut CD Pink Friday is due to be released November 23, 2010

Michelle

Song of the moment

Doesn’t it drive you crazy when you like a song that you have no reason liking? You’re not a fan of the artist, nor the genre, but you astoundingly can’t get enough of the song.



Here’s my dilemma.


Last week I started a new job in a new office, and I am relieved to say I love my new surroundings. It’s a very chill environment and my co-workers have bent over backwards to make me feel very comfortable.  Thanks, guys!


Getting back to the reason for this post, one of my co-workers usually starts her day by logging into her computer, and then finding her fave online radio station. I’m cool with her station of choice because it plays a mix of genres (some old school, r&b, dance and pop), and TONS of top 40.


For part of the day I tune out some of the songs (read: anything too bubblegum and pop-think Justin Bieber), but for some ungodly reason, I’ve been humming along to a song that I’m slightly embarrassed for liking (psst….it could be the fact that the song is played 50 million times a day! LOL).


My normal workday turns into party mode when I hear Ke$ha’s single, Your Love Is My Drug. It’s soooo damn catchy! The lyrics are anything but profound, but my co-worker and I usually perk up and do our little desk dance by our computer screen when it comes on. 

Maybe it'e me, but this song is the epitome of a summer hit single.  It has equal parts happy, fun and complete fluff.  It's so my guilty pleasure.


Not only do I like this song, I’m kinda digging the video.....don’t judge me!

Michelle

Single Review

Usher

I’ve been perusing the charts for some singles to download (legally!) and I happened to see that newly divorced r&b heavyweight Usher, had not only one single on the chart, but three.



This gave me a great idea of reviewing all three singles and sharing with you which Usher song I liked the best. Which one is your fave?


Lil Freak, Usher feat Nicki Minaj
Not only is Usher a single dude again, he would like all the ladies to know that he’s horny and looking for some lovin’! Perhaps the title of the song was a dead giveaway, no?


Sample line: Hey girl I see you like that
you gettin excited you rockin like a pro with it girls
by the way you got right on that and now you counter kissin on a girl
I'm about to have a minajay [ménage] with this lady
look at those freaks at the bar looking for a star


Trust me, these are some of the tamer lyrics. Usher ain’t shy about expressing his turn-ons! FYI, this song is all about scoring a threesome.


X-rated content aside, the song ain’t all bad. However, after reading the lyrics, I like it less.


This is the kind of song that you will definitely hear in the clubs to get everyone moving. It has a good beat and the half-drunk club goers will surely be screaming the chorus!


Accompanying Usher on this song, is resident freaky girl Nicki Minaj. Even though she ain’t the most skilled emcee, she’s actually my fave part of the song. Who knew that someone could actually work in Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Donner, Comet, Cupid, Blitzen into their rap? I find that oddly kinda funny!


Al though the song is not all bad, I definitely won’t download it. I’m no prude, but this song is a bit much for me. Onto the next single.


Hey Daddy, (Daddy’s Home), Usher
Okay, so if you read the review above, the same can be said about Daddy’s Home. Pssst....Usher’s still horny!


The good thing about this song is that it’s not as dirty as Lil Freak. It leans more to the sexy side and comes off sounding more romantic than pervy. He’s telling his boo that when he gets home, he will show her how much he missed her.


Sample lines: And I won't knock or ring no bells
You just poke that bottom up in the air
I'll get you hot, I know you oh so well
And when I walk in, all that I wanna hear
you say Daddy's home, Daddy's home for me


After hearing this song 536 times, it is stuck in my head. I like it, but is it worthy of a download? Not sure yet. Onto the last single.


OMG, Usher feat. Will.I. AM

Out of all 3 songs, this is the least provocative song. Usher continues his lust over hot women, but he isn’t as randy as he was in the previous 2 singles.


Sample line: I fell in love with shawty when I seen her on the dance floor
She was dancing sexy, pop, pop, popping, dropping, dropping low
Never ever has a lady hit me on the first sight
This was something special; this was just like dynamite


The theme and the sound of the song is pretty typical of an r&b single (guy spots girl dancing suggestively, guy is interested—I’m sure you can hear T-Pain, or Flo Rida on this track), but at least this song is very danceable (more so than Lil Freak).


I will say that the moment I heard the song I immediately liked it. It got me dancing even though I wasn’t really partial to the chorus (is it me or is it a little weird hearing a bunch of people screaming OHOHOH?)


So after reviewing all three I have chosen my favourite Usher single. The single worthy of a download is OMG. I like the high energy and the fact that he says "oh my gosh" appeals to my geeky side.  LOL!


What's your fave Usher single?

Single of the Week

I’m sooo totally becoming a Keri Hilson fan. She’s got a great voice, a cool and edgy fashion sense, and her ever changing hairstyles can rival my girl Rihanna.

Even though I’m still obsessively listening to her first release Turnin’ Me On from her debut album, In A Perfect World…, I find myself singing along to her latest track, Knock You Down which features Ne-Yo and Kanye West.

Both Ne-Yo and Kanye West typically rule the charts on their own, but I like how they stepped in, spit their verses and then let Miss Keri showcase her vocal versatility.

What I also like about this song is that it has so many elements. It’s pop, little bit of r& b and a dash of hip hop for good measure. The video is quite artsy and cute as well. (psst...her scenes with Kanye are quite convincing!)

Okay, I’m sure you can tell that I looove this song. Let me know what you think!

Click here to view the video.

Michelle

Best And Worst Singles of 2008

I’m passionate about a few things in life, and music is definitely one of them. I love the excitement that I feel when I hear a hot new song, or when I learn about a talented artist new to the scene.

2008 saw tons of music from heavy hitters like Lil Wayne and T-Pain. Honestly, if there was a song on the radio, chances were that either T-Pain or Lil Wayne was featured. However, we can’t forget about the cutest dynamic duo ever – Rihanna and Chris Brown – showed everyone what Generation Y can do by throwing down and releasing single after single.

Although we got our fair share of ear candy over the past 365 days, there was an equal amount of crap, for lack of a better word (ahem, Jonas Brothers and Britney) – songs that left me scratching my head and contemplating to never ever listen to the radio…again!

So without further adieu, we present you with the long-awaited official list of happygrrls' “Singles of the Year.” Let us know if you agree, disagree or think we’re just plain crazy! Enjoy!

MICHELLE'S BEST
Everything from Lil Wayne
This was Lil Wayne’s year! He owned the charts with the release of his monster hit, The Carter III. If the man had anything to do with a song, it would immediately shoot to number one. I was not a Lil Wayne fan before 2008, but after all of his tracks flooded BET, the airwaves and iTunes, I inevitably came to love the lil’ dreadlocked wonder. I was hypnotized by the salaciousness of “Lollipop,” the arrogant swagger of “A Milli” and found his freaky adolescent behaviour on “Mrs. Officer” very funny. Even when he spit a few verses on “Got Money” and “Can’t Believe It” (both performed by T-Pain featuring Lil Wayne), I gave in and declared my love for Lil Wayne. It’s safe to say that he was music in 2008. Click for the video.

“Need U Bad,” Jazmine Sullivan
This track totally reminds me of the summer of 2008. I remember playing it about a million times a day. Its hot, spicy reggae sexiness is what initially drew me to the song. It also didn’t hurt that Jazmine’s soulful, raspy voice satisfied my Lauryn Hill fix. (She sounds like her, no?) Thanks for becoming my fave new artist! Click for the video.

“Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It),” Beyoncé
Beyoncé may not be as cool as she once was, but she is still very relevant. She had a good year in 2008. She got married, starred in the movie Cadillac Records and released her third solo effort, I Am...Sasha Fierce. (I love the fact that she has an alter ego. Who doesn’t have one?) This song appeals to me for its dance-friendly sensibility. It’s sooo much more fun to dance to than listen to. I practically know every dance move from the video, and proudly perform it whenever I hear the song. Okay, you know you do too! Click for the video.

“Magic,” Robin Thicke
I am so biased when it comes to Robin Thicke. The man could read the user's guide for a toaster and I would still swoon over him. Just like his other songs, “Magic” oozed sex appeal, sensuality and romance. He is the consummate soul singer. Click for the video.

“Calabria 2008,” Enur featuring Natasja & MIMS
Technically this song was released in 2007, but the remix got tons of radio play in ’08. It’s a mishmash of dance, reggae, reggaeton and hip-hop. This has everything that I could possibly want! Click for the video.

CHRISTINE'S BEST

"Just Dance," Lady GaGa
Arguably the biggest dance song of the summer, “Just Dance” became an overnight hit and precariously close to overplays beyond annoyance. (The same can be said of Lady GaGa’s wardrobe.) Still, the catchy, upbeat dance track, reminiscent of Ace of Base all grown up, is infectious. True, the song essentially lacks point or coherence, but you’ve got to love the missive of just dancing your troubles away. Click for the video.

"Violet Hill," Coldplay
If there’s one thing Coldplay knows, it’s how to write songs that can lull people into a coma. That’s why “Violet Hill,” the first single from Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends, is such a pleasant surprise: it neither induces spontaneous naps nor does it (thankfully) feature Martin’s infamous tinkling piano of emotions. Instead, “Violet Hill” is an up-tempo song with persistent drumming similar to a march, and a decidedly different rock slant for the band. Granted, the single is probably the most vague anti-war song to be ever written, but it does possess a beguiling melody and points to a long awaited new direction for the band. Click for the video.

"Let It Rock," Kevin Rudolf featuring Lil Wayne
As artists increasingly step out of their comfort zone to try out new genres or amalgamations of genres, there’s bound to be some hit-and-miss. And then there’s Kevin Rudolf, a relative unknown previously working behind the scenes, who turned the rock and hip-hop worlds on their heads with “Let It Rock.” The single is curious for its genre-swapping, and has been referred to everything from rock-pop to electropop to emo hip-hop. If there were any symbol for the song, a giant middle finger would be it (the opening lyrics alone are an effective damnation to anyone who’s ever wronged him). And yet, even as Rudolf spits out his incensed lyrics, you can’t help but tap your foot to it. Click for the video.

"American Boy," Estelle featuring Kanye West
Why is “American Boy” such a likable song? For starters, this elegy to the allure of American boys is sung by super cute British R&B artist Estelle, whose light-as-feather voice matches the playful lyrics to a tee. Secondly, it features Kanye West, who, for once, actually seems to be having fun guesting on the song. Thirdly, it’s produced by will.i.am, who deserves kudos for finally getting a clue and dropping the pretenses. And lastly, it’s the danceable backing track that makes this song so damn irresistible. Click for the video.

"Keeps Gettin' Better," Christina Aguilera
Poor Christina. Try as she might, she never seems to get a break on the charts, especially as far as Britney Spears is concerned. But regardless of chart hits, Aguilera is no stranger on how to write a good pop hit, and she gets it right with “Keeps Gettin’ Better.” This dance-pop tune is seeping with richly deserved attitude, and Aguilera reigns in her powerhouse voice just enough to complement the buoyant, electronic tempo. The single not only serves as a swan song to Aguilera’s career, but also as a reminder that she’s only getting better with time. Click for the video.

MICHELLE'S WORST

“Bird Walk,” Soulja Boy
Why is this kid still making music? Please make him stop! Click for the video.

“Yaa Yaa Yaa!,” Souljah Boy
Read the comment above! Click for the video.

“Womanizer,” Britney Spears
I have never been a fan of Britney’s music, but this song goes down as one of her worst to date. Believe me, there are tons to choose from! This poorly sung song drove me insane. Honestly, how many times can she use the word "womanizer" in one song? Click for the video.

“Marco Polo,” Bow Wow featuring Soulja Boy
Bow Wow and Soulja Boy actually had the audacity to use a childhood game as inspiration for this song? Yes, this song is worst than you think! Click for the video.

Everything from the Jonas Brothers
Yes, they are cute and have amazingly coiffed hair, but they cannot sing!! Click for the video.

CHRISTINE'S WORST
"The Time of My Life," David Cook
Very seldom does an “American Idol” winner get a swan song that’s good. And in David Cook’s case, he seems to have gotten the worst of the lot. Saccharine, boring, and countering most of Cook’s own musical sensibilities, “The Time of My Life” is nothing more than a gaping hole in an otherwise decent resume. Click for the video.

"So What," Pink
I’ve always loved Pink’s ability to turn anger into art, but her first single from Funhouse, “So What,” seems to be pushing the envelope of bitterness in a very deliberate way. Gone is the introspection from Missundaztood. Instead, we get loud, obnoxious, and somewhat juvenile. As the first outing from her album, “So What” is less masterpiece than it is a caricature of Pink’s former self. Click for the video.

“Burnin' Up,” Jonas Brothers
I’m not sure what perplexes me more: the tinny, sharp voices of these barely pubescent boys as they reach the climax of this pop song, the clichéd lyrics that read like bad pick-up lines (“baby, who turned the temperature hotter, ‘cause I'm burnin' up, burnin' up for you baby”), the gratuitous rap interlude by their bodyguard (who’s next, the dog walker?), or the fact that Time Magazine named this as one of the best songs of 2008. But what isn’t perplexing is the Jonas’ commercial appeal, which is sorely inflated when compared to their songwriting prowess. Click for the video.

“Never Too Late,” Hedley
The sentiment is commendable, but the execution is all wrong – from the sing-song melody to the affected vocal stylings of lead singer Jacob Hoggard (seriously, is he set on anything else besides “whiny”?) to the random laughing at the end of the track, “Never Too Late” is like nails on a chalkboard. And to top it all off, the video’s parody of Duran Duran’s “Rio” is admirable but ultimately not as funny as the band would like to think. Click for the video.

“Gotta Be Somebody,” Nickelback
Nickelback is like the Coke of rock music: you can change the packaging, but the contents remain the same. Unfortunately for Nickelback, the music is not quite as yummy as Coke, but it does often regurgitate itself. “Gotta Be Somebody” sounds exactly like every other song Nickelback’s released since 2003. If there’s one thing that the band is good at, it’s at aiming for mediocre consistency. Click for the video.

Psst! Like what you see? For our complete list, click here.

These Are a Few of My Favourite Musicals...

I think I was about seventeen or eighteen when I first sat through an entire viewing of The Sound of Music. I had heard the excessively sanguine songs before, but to view the three-hour film was another story. (Like most of my adolescence, I was always about ten years behind everyone else.) Even though I have a cold, cold heart, a part of me melted that day and I couldn’t help but fall in love, just a little, with the incredibly blonde, Village of the Damned-evocative Von Trapp family.

Although I knew the film well, what I didn’t know was that the wildly successful movie about a perfect-pitch singing family was originally a wildly successful Rodgers and Hammerstein musical that finally has its run in Toronto. With the mostly Canadian cast, The Sound of Music had its debut at the Princess of Wales Theatre on October 3. What made this production additionally interesting was that Elicia Mackenzie, winner of the reality show “How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?,” was also making her big stage debut.

I was apprehensive about sitting through a musical that featured a reality show winner in such a prominent role, but Mackenzie was seemingly born to play Maria. From the beginning, she brought an energy and doe-eyedness to the stage that did little to hide her greenness. At twenty-three, Mackenzie is just embarking on her career, although she already sings like a professional.

On stage, Mackenzie is vibrant and charming, playing Maria with an earnest awkwardness made so famous all those years ago by Julie Andrews. She glides effortlessly through each scene, by far the best vocalist on stage (next to seasoned veteran Noëlla Huet, who plays Mother Abbess).

Likewise, the six hundred and forty-seven Von Trapp children, here played by young children, are adorable to an almost overwhelmingly extent, and tackle their roles like nobody’s business. I have to give kudos to these child actors; from the ages of five to ten, all I was doing was picking my nose and playing MASH, and they’re up on stage singing to hundreds of people every night. Of note is Megan Nuttall, who plays the eldest child Eliza Liesl (thanks Elisabeth!). Though Nuttall looks both older and bigger than her governess, Mackenzie, she still brings a certain vulnerability to her role, a rarity to find in a stock secondary character.

That said, the chemistry between the leads is less than stellar. Burke Moses, who plays Captain Georg Von Trapp, comes across as a burly man with little to no emotion. When he’s sad, he looks angry. When he’s happy, he looks angry. When he’s angry, he looks angry. And so on. He’s almost as bad as Keanu Reeves, were it not for the singing. Paired with Mackenzie, who, in contrast, is a ball of energy and smiles, the mutual attraction doesn’t come across convincingly…or at all.

The stage adaptation takes liberties with setting and musical numbers to accommodate stage direction, setting, and time, but many will be glad to hear that favourites like “A Few of My Favorite Things,” "The Sound of Music," "Do-Re-Mi," "Sixteen Going On Seventeen," and "Climb Ev'ry Mountain" are still intact and unchanged after all these years (my personal favourite, “The Lonely Goadherd,” was but a nary footnote in the whole production, essentially replacing “A Few of My Favorite Things” in the thunderstorm/bedroom scene). But fret not, because as an added bonus, there are a couple of numbers that don’t appear in the film.

The Sound of Music is a great musical in itself, but the pièce de résistance is the set design. Carefully crafted and flowing seamlessly, it almost overshadows the play itself. The mountain set, rigged to move up and down to create a sense of depth, is breathtaking. In fact, each set change flows so well that it almost goes unnoticed. The set design deserves as much regard as the performers.

I’m not a musical connoisseur by any means, but I do believe that a classic deserves some justice. And with this rendition of The Sound of Music, justice has been served.

The Sound of Music will be playing at the The Princess of Wales Theatre through to January 11, 2009.

Christine

First Look: "90210"

Yes, I admit it. Tonight, I hunkered down in front of the television for two hours and watched the premiere of the new “90210.” I cried with glee when the new, showy opening credits flashed across my screen. I wept with joy when Kelly and Brenda had their reunion at the revamped Peach Pit and made amends. I cursed the high heavens when Dixon, the principal’s kid, was wrongfully accused of starting a fight on the lacrosse field and was denied a spot on the team. And I gushed when Ty, the hot morsel of sensitive, feminine hunk, whisked Annie away to dinner in San Francisco.

OK, so none of that happened. But I did surprisingly enjoy the back-to-back episodes of the teen drama. What can I say? I’m a sucker for spoiled teens with unlimited wardrobes and shinier hair than mine.

Here’s a first look at the major players:

Hi, I’m Annie, the anti-Brenda Walsh. How do I know? For starters, I’m really, really nice and have no discernible bitchy side that I’m itching to unleash. And my brother isn’t lame Brandon! But anyway, I love to do the right thing, and I’m probably the nicest teenager you will ever see on your screen. But since I’m from Kansas, you know that makes it harder for me to understand the intricate life of Californians. Like, I would never, ever in a million years think that someone would actually plagiarize an old paper that I gave them because they have to hand it in the next day. The nerve! But really, I’m not stupid, just painfully gullible. But don’t feel sorry for me – you know I’m going to get more action than anyone on this show.

Hi, I’m Dixon, Annie’s adopted brother and confidante, although I’m not a very good one since I’ve managed to blab one of her big secrets by the halfway mark of the first episode. My current role on the show is to make playing the game of lacrosse something cool and desirable to status-hungry teenagers. I have some hang-ups about being adopted and being the principal’s son, but I’m sure that will never come up in future episodes. If you think you’ve seen me in harder edged, more critically acclaimed work like “The Wire” and Half Nelson, you’re mistaken.



Hi, we’re Harry and Debbie Wilson, the hottest parents to ever grace prime time. How did we raise a teenage daughter and manage to tap into the spring of eternal youth? Even we don’t know.




Hi, I’m Naomi, the rich, spoiled bitch who always gets her way. But wait! That’s not the only side of me. Let’s see…everyone thinks I’m an airhead and I have an inferiority complex because my older sister goes to Harvard. My boyfriend can’t stand me and has to cheat with one of my best friends to get the point across. And I’m pretty sure there’s going to be something about my dad being a two-timing dog that will make me more relatable. Just stick around, I’m sure the layers are coming.

Hi, I’m Ethan, probably the blandest, most passive leading man you’ve ever seen on your television screen. I’m supposed to be a hunk, even though most of the time I don’t seem to have a backbone or need other people to tell me right from wrong. I sometimes cheat on my girlfriend, but that’s only because I don’t know how to tell her that I want to break up with her. I’m kind of into Annie, but since I seem to be pretty much of a wuss, that will take another season or two to resolve. But on the bright side, I have awesome teeth. Oh, and I surf sometimes.

Hi, I’m Erin Silver. Yes, that Erin Silver. The one that used to poop on-screen and provide Kelly with an alibi every time she hooked up with Dylan that one summer. Anyway, I’m a teenager now, and only go by Silver (don’t know you know first names are so passé?). I’m generally angry and blog about it, but underneath my stylish emo exterior, I do have a soft, gooey middle. Just don’t try to find it, or I’ll kill you.


Hi, I’m Navid, the cool AV guy (no, it’s not an oxymoron) who will one day go on to become the next Eli Roth. I’m apparently Dixon’s only friend, but that’s because he appreciates the irony of life like I do. I don’t do much at the moment, but my dad is a porn director so that alone makes me much cooler than anyone on this show.


Hi, I’m Ryan Matthews, the young, hip English teacher at West Beverly. I don’t know why I teach…I don’t seem to particularly like children or want to be around them, but what the hey, it does get me an audience when I want to rant against consumerism or the spoiled brats I have to see day in and day out. I’ll tell you one perk that teaching does have: it gets me one step closer to Kelly Taylor, who is one hot guidance counselor.

Hi, I’m Kelly Taylor. Yes, the one and only! I’ve given up my super-fabulous life as a fashion designer to counsel the future leaders of America. I have a four-year-old son and I’m not sure how he got here, but hopefully the producers will tell me when they figre it out. After years and years of Dylan’s brooding and Brandon’s wishy-washiness, can you blame me for wanting to be single?



Hi, I’m Adrianna. I don't know why I’m billed as a secondary character since I’ve got so much going on: I hang out with the cool kids and rule school drama productions even though I’m secretly a drug addict with a deadbeat mom. Sounds like prime material, no? It must be the hair.






Hi, I’m Brenda. I’m trying to be nice, but a small part of me is dying inside.





“90210” is obviously fluff (but a strangely satisfying one), and I’m actually keen on seeing where the producers will take this show. They’ve already given me something to look forward to with these memorable lines:

“Are you breaking up with me?”
“I’m breaking up with us.”

Welcome to the new “90210,” bitch!

Christine

What I Did On My Summer Vacation

You know what they say: there’s no accounting for good taste. And so that’s how I ended up at the Jesse McCartney concert in Toronto last week.

Continuing my McCartney-fueled love fest, I couldn’t pass up the chance to see the man-boy live in person, even if that meant hearing my friends snicker behind my back or openly laugh in my face or lose the minuscule ounce of street cred that I irrationally thought I possessed. All that mattered was that I was going to be in the vicinity of Jesse McCartney, even if that meant being trampled on by teenage girls twice my size.

Of course, even the prospect of seeing Jesse McCartney couldn’t outweigh the sad picture of me at the concert, swaying side to side by myself, so I needed a partner in crime. The opportunity arose when I got a call from my friend T., who wanted to know if I was interested in seeing Maroon 5 with him.

“No,” I said quickly, the thought of Adam Levine gyrating on stage giving me goose bumps. But then I had a better idea. “I’ll go see Maroon 5 with you if you come watch Jesse McCartney with me.” The last part was said in hushed tones, since I was at work and didn’t want more ammunition for my co-workers, who already think I’m already crazy without the Jesse McCartney factor.

“Who’s Jesse McCartney?” T. asked. Aha! The perfect candidate to drag with me to the concert.

Jesse McCartney was sharing a double bill with Jordin Sparks, winner of 2007’s “American Idol,” and was set to perform at the Sound Academy (formerly The Docks), a small, standing-room only venue in the southeast corner of the city, their only stop in Toronto. As we lined up to go inside, I was relieved to find that I was not the only cougar-like woman in attendance (as I like to stress, Jesse McCartney is twenty-one and therefore legal across all states and provinces), and my plan to grab an unsuspecting teen to masquerade as my younger sister was scrapped. Yes, all five of us were unabashed in our love for McCartney.

As we waited for the concert to start, we were chagrined to find that everyone had brought a camera except for us. Damn my instruction following! Because T.’s cell phone camera had been assembled in 1962, we couldn’t get a clear picture of anything except a black blur on stage and someone’s errant head in our way, though our line of sight to the stage was obscured by the lone 6’2” guy in the audience and the two Amazonian women who kept insisting on standing directly in front of us. But if you really want a picture, here you go!

Everything seemed relatively calm, and as I contemplated getting drunk at the bar so I could be escorted out in a blaze of glory, we heard screaming coming from the front of the venue. Indeed, Jesse McCartney had stepped out of his dressing room to sign autographs before the show. How gracious! But alas, the moment passed too soon and all we got was a semi-sighting from T., who thought he saw McCartney’s head poking out of the tween crowd.

After a long day at work, the plan was to watch McCartney and bolt out of there. But as things go, Jordin Sparks opened up the show, so the McCartney fest would have to wait. Her one-hour set was good, as is to be expected from an “American Idol” winner accustomed to singing live, albeit somewhat boring. Unfortunately, I’m not too familiar with her repertoire, but she did perform crowd-pleasers like “Tattoo” and “One Step At A Time” (her opening song), in addition to unreleased songs from her album like “Freeze,” “Permanent Monday,” “Now You Tell Me,” and “God Loves Ugly” (if you’re a fan of “America’s Next Top Model,” you’ll remember contestant Bree disagreeing, though that’s a random aside that serves no purpose to this story). Between songs, Sparks also worked in some Alicia Keys (“Fallin’”), Tracy Chapman (“Give Me One Reason,” which she also performed on “American Idol”), and Stevie Wonder (“Superstition”). The latter was a duet with her back-up singer, who uncannily sounds like a woman and should probably tour on his own.

Sparks has a habit of talking between songs to explain the meaning behind them, which, depending on your mood, may or may not be annoying (but not as annoying at the cheesy screensaver background behind her, which transported me back to “American Idol”). I didn’t find it so much annoying as I did a time zapper that only prolonged my McCartney fix, but it’s nice to know that Sparks had the final laugh when she saw her long-time crush at her concert and brushed him off because she realized that he was a prick, or that she thinks we should all be happy with ourselves. But all the asides were forgotten when she performed “No Air” as her final song (sans Chris Brown), and I was able to writhe in lovelorn agony along with her.

After a half-hour break that felt more like twenty hours, with intermittent screaming from girls chanting “Jesse! Jesse!” in a futile attempt to lure him out of his comfortable dressing room, the second act started. Never in my life have I been so close to mass hysteria as I did standing in the middle of the Sound Academy. It doesn’t help when girls will scream directly in your ear because you happen to be standing in the way between them and the stage.

In a handful of interviews, Jesse has alluded to his admiration for Justin Timberlake, and it shows. From the tailored suit to the too-cool-for-school sunglasses, McCartney is well on his way to becoming something of a Timberlake shadow. What was most amusing to watch was the deliberate way in which McCartney peeled off his sunglasses, after performing two songs back-to-back, just to incite a reaction from the crowd. Yes, it’s true: you’re not a real person until the sunglasses come off.

Poor T. was lost throughout most of the set, but I’m sure my detailed commentary, which comprised mostly of “I like this song!” (“It’s Over,” “Make Up,” How Do You Sleep?”) or “This songs sucks” (“Into Ya,” “Freaky,” “Beautiful Soul”) was helpful. I’m also sure McCartney’s back-up singers lost a little bit of their soul that night when they were forced to sing “Beautiful Soul,” though the “Jessie’s Girl” interlude comes a close second.

After several costume changes and semi-choreographed numbers that consisted of two-stepping and lots of hand signals, it was time for Jesse to pull someone on stage. I’m familiar with his gimmick because of the various concert footage popping up on YouTube, where the consensus is that McCartney is a lecherous old man for singing sexy songs to young girls. “Pick someone your own age, pick someone your own age,” I muttered under my breath. But no, after much hamming and foot dragging and eliciting more mass hysteria from the crowd, McCartney pulled up a young girl on stage. Cue the throngs of euphoric screams and living vicariously through others as he sang to star-struck girl – quite intimately, might I add – before giving her a hug.

Unlike Sparks, McCartney seemed to have enough material culled from his three-album career to fill his hour set, but he did manage to sneak in one cover. As he helpfully explained with a muffled voice (the most he’ll ever speak at the concert), he was approached by Pepsi to perform a song under their “Cover Art” series. As stipulated, the artist must cover an artist completely out of their genre, so Jesse did the natural thing by selecting…T-Pain's "Buy U A Drank (Shawty Snappin').” It would all make sense except for the fact that McCartney is, indeed, veering off into R&B and urban music. But I guess since they’ve asked him to do a cover of someone outside of his genre, instead of a genre he strives to be in, I’ll let it go. What I can’t quite let go of is the jarring image of young ten- and twelve-year-old girls singing along, even replicating the “ooh” sounds, as horrified parents looked on from the sidelines.

What watching ”Buy U A Drank” live showed me is that not only is McCartney a gifted live performer, but also that he makes too many weird faces while singing and that he’s one gene mutation away from Frankie Muniz.

At last, McCartney ended the night with “Leavin’,” which left me very happy. As soon as the last chords were played, T. and I high-tailed it out of there to beat the crowd. McCartney came on to do an encore (a cover of a Michael Jackson classic), but by that time, T. and I had had our fill of screaming pre-pubescent girls, standing-room only venues, and ringing in our ears. And much like a summer love, it was also time for me to bid McCartney good-bye, though we’ll always have our crazy summer at the Sound Academy.

Christine