Ask Michelle

Having boyfriend/girlfriend issues? Boss getting on your damn nerve? Send your questions to michelle[at]happygrrls.com and  I will try to include it in the next installment of Ask Michelle

The latest question comes from someone who’s bumped into a high school crush and wonders if she should still pursue him.



Ask Michelle,

I recently bumped into my old crush from high school.  I’ve been out of high school for 5 years now, but seeing him totally made me melt.  He’s tall, has a six pack and has the same cute smile I fell in love with from back in the day.

He told me his life story in about 5 minutes- he’s in university studying kinesiology, he plans to move to the US,  and oh yeah, he’s got a girlfriend : (

He did mention that they were having problems and he was thinking of breaking up with her soon.

 

A few days passed and he sent me a message on Facebook asking to friend him.  Shortly after I friended him, he sent me a message saying that he really, really, really wanted to see me.  I thought it was funny because I just saw him last week!

The weird thing is that when I went on his Facebook page he has tons of pics of his girlfriend and his status still reads that he’s in a relationship. I don’t know if he’s still in a relationship or if he plans to break up with her soon.  He also told me that he has been thinking about me since we bumped into each other.

 

I’m not sure what to do.  I still have feelings for him, but I’m not sure if he’s single. What should I do?

Signed,

Not trying to be a home wrecker

Dear Not trying to be a home wrecker,

Hmmm, something doesn’t sound right. It’s cool that he’s interested in you, but is he single? He said that he and his girlfriend were having some problems, but did he say that they were breaking up for sure? He still has pictures of her on Facebook and he hasn’t changed his status??? Sounds a little suspect to me.

I say be careful. Not sure if he’s looking for a relationship—perhaps just a booty call. As long as you know what he wants up front, you can make your decision.

Good luck!

Michelle

Ask Michelle

Having boyfriend/girlfriend issues? Boss getting on your damn nerve? Send your questions to michelle[at]happygrrls.com and I will try to include it in the next installment of Ask Michelle.


Dear Michelle, 
I’ve been having a little problem with one of my best friends. He recently started dating someone a while ago and apparently has fallen head over heels for her. So much so that I haven’t heard from him in months. Even when I text him he never texts back. I am feeling a little hurt now. He totally ditched me for his new girlfriend. And no, I don’t have any feelings for him, and no I’m not jealous! Am I wrong to feel totally dissed? 
Signed, abandoned friend 

Dear abandoned friend, 
That’s good that your friend is in a new exciting relationship. How long has he been dating this girl? The reason that I ask is that when a relationship is new, you want to spend every waking moment with that person. Think back to when you were first dating someone. Didn’t you breathe and sleep that person? I’m not saying that what your friend did is right, but just cut him some slack. Give him a few weeks and if he totally blows you off, call him out on it. Let him know that you are his friend and you are happy for him, but you miss the friendship and he needs to treat you like a friend. Hopefully you can work together to meet in the middle and spend some time together. 

Let me know how it goes.  

 

Michelle

* image taken from www.lovejays.com

Ask Michelle

Are you dealing with some issues that you want to resolve?  E-mail me at michelle at happygrrls.com and I will try to include it in the next installment of Ask Michelle

Dear Michelle

I know that you normally deal with relationship type questions, but I have a real problem that I don’t know how to solve on my own.

Okay, my issue is work related.  I started a new job a few months ago and I like it a lot. I love most of my co-workers and I even like my boss.  However, one of my co-workers is making my life a living hell.  She teases me about everything—my clothes, what I eat for lunch and the way I apply my makeup!  The girl is a major biatch.  I’m not sure what to do.  I’ve taken it for the past 3 months (my probation period), but I can’t take it anymore.  Please help!  : (

Signed, 

No more bullying

Dear No More Bullying

I am so sorry to hear that you’re treated like that at work.  It’s sad to see that bullying doesn’t necessarily stop at school—sometimes it shows up in the workplace.

I am not an expert in the field (you may need to consult the website - Canadian Centre for Occupational Health and Safety) but what I would suggest is that you speak to your co-worker to let her know that you don’t like the way she treats you.  It’s demeaning, degrading and creating a stressful situation.   It is possible that she may not know that what she is saying to you is upsetting you.  If she persists, take the issue to your manager or Human Resources Department. It is best that your manager is aware of the issue so that it can be addressed and resolved.

Good luck.  Please let me know how it works out.

Michelle

Ask Michelle

Dear Michelle,

One of my New Year’s resolutions was to eat healthy and lose weight.  I’m proud to say that I am starting to exercise and I am slowly but surely learning how to eat better.  I’m not obsessing over losing tons of weight, but I could stand to lose a couple (okay 20) pounds.

I’m trying to eat healthy by cutting out fast food.  I might have it once in a while, but for now I want to be healthy.  My problem is that when I hang out with my friends, they only want to eat fast food. We don’t make a lot of money, so eating on the cheap is usually food that’s bad for us (e.g. fries, fried chicken, and cheesy pizzas). 

How do I tell my friends that I want to hang out with them, but I don’t want to eat junk food all the time?  How can I do that without offending my friends?

Signed, No More Grease!

Dear No More Grease,

That’s commendable of you that you want to live a healthier lifestyle. I’m sure that you can do it as long as you stay focused.

Your friends on the other hand, might stand in your way of achieving your goal.  I’m not saying that you have to ditch them and find some healthy friends (that might help or at least hang out with like minded people), but you have to tell them that you’re watching what you eat and that you don’t to be tempted by unhealthy choices.

I know it’s kinda scary confronting your friends, but it might help you in the long round.  The next time your friends ask if you want to grab a quick bite, just say to them, “I would love to, but I’ve given up fast food for a bit; would you mind going for something light?”  Okay, I realize that they might mock you for that, but you need to inform them of your path to healthier living.  Either that or you might need to limit your time you hang out with your friends.

Hope that helps!

If you would like Michelle to help you with any of your work, relationship or friend issue,  e-mail her at michelle at happygrrls.com

Michelle

Ask Michelle

Michelle, I am soooo in need of your help. I’m super confused.



About a month ago a new guy started working at the office I currently work at. He’s cute, about my age and we have similar personalities. Basically, we get along and act like we’ve known each other for a million years!


The problem is that I’ve developed some feelings for him. What makes this a little complicated is that I am not exactly single! I have been in a relationship with my man for over 5 years! I feel bad because I love my boyfriend and I wouldn’t want to hurt him, but I can’t seem to get this new guy out of my head. What should I do?
Signed, in love with 2 guys


Dear in love with 2 guys,
Ooh girl, now that’s some juicy gossip! Thanks! Kidding. I’m just trying to make you laugh so you’re not too bummed over your current situation.


I will admit that your dilemma is kinda rough. You really need to give good thought to what you want/need to do.


This might help you come up with an answer:


If your office boo is just a piece of hot eye candy that makes your day go faster, then that’s okay. You’re able to appreciate his good looks, but you know he is off limits.


If you are completely planning your day around hanging with your office man, and you run to his office as soon as he shows up to work, then that might be a problem. You may need to look closely at your relationship with your boyfriend. What is making you think about someone else? Perhaps your relationship with your boyfriend is not satisfying as it once was or has run its course. Only you will know the answer.


Let me know how everything works out. Good luck!



Michelle

Ask Michelle

Have some issues that you want to get resolved in 2011? E-mail me at michelle at happygrrls.com and I will try to include it in the next instalment of Ask Michelle



Dear Michelle,
I have a little problem. I used to be friends with my best friend’s sister, but we have become less close over the years. Nothing major happened, we just grew apart. Ironically, my best friend and I have become great friends during this time.


My problem with my besties’ sis is that even though we don’t have a great friendship anymore, she randomly calls me up when she needs help. Sometimes it’s for a ride to the mall; if she needs some help with homework, and believe it or not, if she needs a reference for a job!


At first I didn’t think much of it because she’s still kinda my friend, but the fact that she calls me out of the blue only when she needs something is starting to really piss me off!

She’ll call me, and then I won’t hear from her for at least 3 months. I don’t want to sound rude, but we’re not even good friends anymore and I don’t like that she calls and texts me when she needs help. How do I tell her to leave me alone? What should I do?


Signed, I don’t like users!


Dear I don’t like users!
I totally agree with you. I don’t like it when someone talks to you only when they need something from you. That’s not how a friendship works.


Your situation is a little complicated, though. On one hand you don’t want to jeopardize your relationship with your best friend by being rude to her sis, but on the other hand, she’s totally taking advantage of your kindness!


Maybe what you might want to do is be less available to her. When she calls or texts you, don’t answer. I know it sounds super immature and juvenile, but after a while she’ll get the picture and stop using you and probably move onto the next victim!


Hope that works for you. Let me know how it works out.




Michelle

Ask Michelle

Time for a name change! Although, I loved penning the advice column for my alter ego—Dear Angry Black Grrl, I thought to switch the name to something kindler, gentler (like myself!) and to the point. Angry Black Grrl is now called, Ask Michelle.



Remember to send your questions to michelle at happygrrls.com


Ask Michelle

Dear Michelle,

I need your advice!!! I started working at a new job a few months ago, and I was happy that everything seemed to be going well. I liked my job and my co-workers made my workday more fun. Then, out of the blue, my boss completely lost it on me. She yelled at me for about 20 minutes and embarrassed me in front of my co-workers. Basically, she made me feel like crap. I was convinced she was going to fire my ass.

Unfortunately her rants occur on a weekly basis. I told one of my co-workers about an incident and she said the boss has yelled at everyone and I should get used to it.


I’m not sure what to do. I like my job, but my boss is making my life a living hell.


I need your help!


Signed,
My boss is a bi%*#


Dear, my boss is a bi%*#


Girl, I have been there! I have had problem s with bosses in the past and I know it makes it harder to go to work. Emotionally, it can destroy you.


Is there anyone that you can speak to at your job to let them what’s going on? I would definitely alert someone in the HR department to let them know what is happening. Especially since you said your boss’ bad behaviour happens on a regular basis.


If you really don’t feel comfortable being at your job, you might have to give a lot of thought to your options. You can stay and see if things get better, or you can cut your losses and leave your job and search for something new.

Let me know what happens!

Michelle

Dear Angry Black Grrl

We've been getting a  lot of questions lately for our resident Rude Girl, Dear Angry Black Grrl.  She gives no-nonsense advice on all topics related to relationships.

If  you need some questions answered and can handle some tough love, send your questions to michelle@happygrrls.com.

Here's the latest question.

Dear Angry Black Grrl

First things first, I am not bitter and I am NOT jealous of my best friend.  Cool, now here’s my problem.  I loooove my best friend to death but there’s one thing that she does that pisses me off.  Every time that we go out, she brings her boyfriend along. Serious. Every. time!

We could be going for coffee, lunch, dinner, shopping,  anything, and his dumbass is there. I do like him, but sometimes I want to spend quality time with my bestie.  What do you suggest I do? 

Signed, three’s a crowd

Dear three’s a crowd,

Girl, I hear ya!  It’s cool for all of you to get along and do things together, but if  every time I saw my best friend I had to see her boyfriend, someone was getting cussed out.  Her dude is cool, but dayum, seeing him all the time gets annoying!

There ain’t no easy way to tell her, but you might have to come clean and say that you want a girls’ night out or that you want to chill with her without her man.  Maybe your friend doesn’t even know that it bothers you.  But if it were me, I would let her know pretty damn quick that I wasn't feelin' being the third wheel.

I’m not too sure what your friend will say, but at least you’re being honest. Either way, good luck!!

Relating

Looks like  someone needs Dear Angry Black Grrl's help.  Check out the latest relationship problem...

Dear Angry Black Grrl

I have a problem and I know YOU will be able to give me some good advice.

I met a guy at a club recently. I was hanging with a friend of mine, and I happened to meet a guy who made my whole night more fun. His name is *Jason (names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent!) and he had me laughing all night long. He’s not really my type physically (he’s shorter than I’m used to), but he’s cool and has a great sense of humour.

Since we had such a good night together, we wanted to get to know each other better, so we planned to go on a date. So... we went out.....and unfortunately our date was majorly boring and I felt more of a friendship vibe from him. After the date I told my friend that I wasn’t really feeling him, but I was willing to give him one more chance.

A couple days later I was talking to my friend again and she told me that she went out with Jason. I was a little shocked. I asked her why she went out with him and she said that, “She wanted to talk to him.” I was upset with her and hung up the phone. Am I being too emotional? I know he ain’t my man, but still. Was she wrong to date a guy that I just went out with?

Signed, my friend is a backstabber!

Dear my friend is a backstabber,

It’s good that she told you that foolishness on the phone because if she told you that in person, you would have every right to cut her!!! Kidding!

But seriously, what’s up with your friend? Is she really a friend? Honestly, that’s not a good look for her. Even though you and this guy weren’t dating exclusively, she shouldn’t have gone behind your back and dated him. If I were you, I’d let her know how you feel and go from there. If she doesn’t understand your point of view of the situation, then you pretty much know how she feels about your friendship. And on a side note, what’s up with Jason? Why was he trying to date both of you guys? You need to cuss him out too!

Relating

Judging from the amount of e-mails flooding our inbox (thanks!!), looks like you’ve been missing the brutally honest advice from your fave homegirl, Dear Angry Black Grrl.


Just like Jay Z, she’s out of retirement and is ready to give you some of her no holds barred relationship advice!


Here’s the latest relationship question....
Dear Angry Black Grrl,

This might sound a little silly of me, but I thought to ask you. A few weeks ago I ran into my ex’s little brother. I haven’t seen him in ages and damn girl, he looked sexy as hell! He didn’t look like the scrawny little kid that I remember from back in the day. He’s tall and has muscles everywhere!


So the reason that I am writing this is that I had to ask you something......would it be totally wrong if I asked out my ex’s brother? I mean, we broke up over 5 years ago and it was on good terms. What do you think? Can I date my ex’s brother?

Signed Brotherly Love


Dear Brotherly Love,

Girl, I know that there is a shortage of available men, but you don’t need to go through your ex’s family looking for a man! LOL!


Actually, I don’t see anything too wrong with dating your ex’s brother. Especially since you both ended it off on good terms. It’s good that there aren’t any bad feelings, so you wouldn’t be walking into a tense situation.

If your ex isn’t too weirded out by it, then I say go for it. Life is too short. Have some fun!

If you have a question for Dear Angry Black Grrl, send it to Michelle at happygrrls.com.