Product Review

Retro-Lush – Shave The Planet and Cosmetic Lad

Instead of reviewing another Lush product for the ladies (psst..I’m sure I will be back to reviewing products for the girls next month!), I wanted to include the male perspective. I wanted a very manly review of a few beauty products. I'm kinda curious to know what the fellas like.

So I eagerly enlisted the help of a supercool guy (he’s probably one of the few guys that can handle my incessant teasing. You rock, Frederico!) and asked him to tell me what he thought of Lush’s Shave the Planet and Cosmetic Lad. In true Frederico form, he felt the only way to express his opinion was through poetry. Check it out!

Shave the Planet

I never thought
I would find out
What it is like
To smear shortening all over my face
I now have an approximation.

Charged by Simone (aka Michelle) with sampling and reviewing Retro-Lush’s Shave The Planet and Regular Lush’s Cosmetic Lad (Facial Moisturizer),
I tried both
Shave the Planet is a goop you could eat
Acai juice from palm trees in Central and South America
Coconut and wheat germ oil
Pumpkin seed oil
Bamboo infusion (you probably can’t eat this)
All of it blended into a dense smoothie injected into a mini-bucket
I slather it on a face covered with a 5 day fuzz, scooping out glops
I begin to shave
It works. Generally.
The blades are becoming jammed with glunk
Some hairs aren’t cut
But act of shaving feels so smooth
Where once my jaw was covered by coarse hair
It is clean, moisturized
And yet, and yet
so greasy, so greasy
And now because of using the glurp called Retro-Lush’s Shave The Planet
I have no reason to use Regular Lush’s Cosmetic Lad (Facial Moisturizer)
because it would be as if I dumped butter, margarine and olive oil into a Teflon-covered skillet to fry up bacon: It would be too much
My clean, moisturized face feels swell, smells fresh
And I will remember
To use plenty of hot water
To clean out
The blades

Cosmetic Lad (Facial Moisturizer)

I used it twice with regular shaving cream and it was fine
Such a fresh smell
Some say there is a whiff of lavender
Some say honey water
Or even tangerine
I say it smells fresh and fruity, like papaya
And smeared on my face, it feels good, soft
As if I had just put very over-ripe papaya all over my jaw
It is impossible to use this moisturizer with Retro-Lush’s Shave The Planet
(Too much greasy, moisturizing goodness)
I will alternate between the two in order to enjoy the two
in this crappy little apartment which lacks proper air flow and treated/varnished floors


Thanks for the sexy poem, Frederico. I will admit that your flowery words worked some magic on me and I am thisclose to caressing your skin to see if it is as smooth as you say it is! LOL

Michelle